There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
