I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
