dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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