I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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