PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
