Cold hands, warm shart.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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