if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
