I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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