don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
