You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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