guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
