would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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