if i can run in heels then i can drive
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
