Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
