Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
