I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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