Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
