hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
