the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
