mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
