just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
