awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
