I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
