Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
