you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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