Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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