Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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