FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
