did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
