you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
