; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize