My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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