there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize