I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
