oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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