woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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