every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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