Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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