I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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