I heard we made out
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
