I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
