shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
