Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
