I bet he comes in French.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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