first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
