saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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