can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
