I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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