why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
