So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
