meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
