my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
