I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
