i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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