he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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