The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
