we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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