i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
