he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
