How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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