It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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