He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
