So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
