She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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