my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sext me about skeletons
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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