She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
