Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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