I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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