chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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