i don't like sucking hair
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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