did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
