you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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