Banned from zoo.
Again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize