I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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