Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
