i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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