i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
