respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
