oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK WHALES
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
