Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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