thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
