Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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