im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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