Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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