Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
