in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
