dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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