i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
