Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
