look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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