he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
