Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
