Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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