Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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