when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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