Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
