I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
