So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
