The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize